The saga of Kristen Hampton and her forehead hickeys

You'll be laughing from start to finish.

You know those products that you see on Facebook or TV and you’re like, “What kind of crazy person would ever spend money on that?” Well, Kristen Hampton is that crazy person.

Every Tuesday, she tackles a new product – for better or worse – and the internet just can’t get enough. Bushy nose hair? She’s got you covered. Need to make mayo in your car? She’s on it.

One particular misadventure, though, resulted in what could have been a week of turmoil. For Kristen, though, it was an opportunity.

Enter: The forehead hickeys.

How might one acquire forehead hickeys, you ask? Well, by testing facial cupping to fight one’s wrinkles, of course.

Cupping, in case you’re unfamiliar, is a type of physical therapy where suction cups are placed in different areas of the body to help with things like pain and inflammation, or in this case, wrinkles. Remember those gnarly crop-circle looking bruises on Michael Phelps’ back during the 2016 Olympics? Those were cupping marks.

So, cupping as a facial skin treatment. You can see where this is going.

It started simply enough. You grab the size cup for whichever part of your face you want to work on. Give it a squeeze and place it and slide it across your skin. It’s not supposed to stay in one place for too long.

Key phrase there. You’ve got to place and move. PLACE AND MOVE.

Kristen follows the first few steps but lets the cups sit for a moment or two before moving them. The red circles start popping up almost instantly, and this is where things get real.

A frantic attempt to cover-up the circular marks with makeup only draws more attention to the spots and a resigned Kristen admits that “it looks like someone has beaten me uponst my face… with circles.”

So flash forward to the next morning. Yup, they were still there. A handful of them, all across Kristen’s forehead.

But, not to fear! She had a plan to hide them.

Kristen made a stop at a drugstore to pick up some more makeup. Because like she says, the best way to hide a blemish, or blemishi (that’s the plural of blemishes, obviously) is to draw attention away from it.

Well, that doesn’t quite start off as planned. Just about as soon as she opens the foundation, it’s all over her carfice (her car office for those that don’t know).

But it’s just a small hiccup and she dives right into the step-by-step tutorial of how to cover up forehead hickeys. You know, for when you need that.

And the results speak for themselves.

But our Kristen Hampton didn’t stop there. She had another idea to hide her “looky-loos.”

Blonde clip on bangs. Or “buttered toast,” if you will. That was the best Miss Tammy at Sally’s Beauty Supply could manage – all of the other colors were gone.

They may not match her hair exactly, but they do the trick. You can’t see her forehead circles.

Kristen takes her bangs for a test drive to get some honest opinions.

She pulls through into the drive-thru lane at Wendy’s and asks, “Do you have any lunch specials for women with bangs?”

Wendy’s does not, in fact, have any specials for women with bangs, in case you were wondering.

Kathy is the first one up to give her review. Kristen asks her if it matches and Kathy laughs and says, “They match you!”

Joelle and Dominique are at the next window. They’re fans as well (or at the very least, very kind and pretty solid liars.) Joelle is especially fond of the blonde highlights.

Kristen is so thrilled by what just happened that she can barely contain herself, and she stops to give away the unnecessarily purchased meal. She obviously was just so excited to show off her bangs that she bought food she didn’t even want.

To watch all of the antics, go to her Facebook page. Here is the video climax in totality, which you definitely want to watch:

A few more days will pass, and her top head hickeys eventually fade, but we have all learned a few important lessons from Kristen Hampton:

  1. Cupping leads to forehead hickeys.
  2. You can, in fact, hide them/distract from your blemishi with makeup
  3. Clip on bangs will always be the best solution when you have hickeys on your top head.