Every week, Kristen Hampton’s Product Testing Tuesday educates the public by trying things no one else will try. So far, she’s tested the hottest pepper in the world, clip on bangs, facial cupping, among a ton of other things. Up this week: A Kristen Hampton lip tattoo trial.
This one was a particularly wild ride. Fresh off a shoot on Central Piedmont Community College with her friend Jen, the Student Life Coordinator and “campus mom,” she dove in to this week’s PTT.
While waiting for our hero Jen to return with some scissors, she starts reading the instructions. They’re a disaster, and a particularly delightful fail was the the “y” that took the place of the “v” in the word vertical. The disastrous instructions are just foreshadowing the rocky journey we are about to embark uponst. “What? This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever!” She repeats some of the instructions, finally settling on “I can do things. This is a thing and I’m going to do it.”
The temporary tattoo application begins. Some hastily acquired napkins and water do the trick for the top lip, revealing what is definitively… a leopard print lip. After repeating the process, forgetting to remove the plastic from one side, and generally bungling the bottom lip application she begins to apologize. “I am sorry that this is what happened today. I feel like this has not been beneficial to you in any way.”
She says farewell, modeling the strip of tattoo hanging from her bottom lip, and a cheetah printed upper lip.
However, dear viewer, our ride is just beginning.
“I appreciate you all saying nice things, but what I need really now is directions on how to get it off,” she says, a hint of panic entering her voice. The comments start flying, offering suggestions ranging from WD-40 to nail polish. Seriously, don’t ever listen to the internet when you’re in a bind.
A quick survey of the carfice- car office, obviously – surfaces some patchouli oil and a lot of frustration.
“These are the instructions and they’re horrible and instead of vertical it says ‘yertical’,” she says, all in one breath, filled with panic and frustration.
One well-meaning viewer suggested hand sanitizer, and the hope in Kristen’s voice is palpable. At this point, comments were flying in faster than anyone could read them, and Kristen couldn’t keep up as she tried the sanitizer to no avail. One comment catches her eye, and she begins a glorious rant.
“That was not anger. It is more panic. More panic. And sometimes my panic comes out in angry-ish looking things … I’m really just panicking, because this is my real life. And I have to live my real life. And I have this leopard cat print on my top lip, and I cannot get it off.” Painful, right? At this point, we’re wondering if she’s stuck in this leopard lip forever.
Our hero Jen, who has already delivered scissors, hand sanitizer, and tissues returns at this point with an arsenal of lip tattoo removal products: lotion, hand sanitizer, hydrogen peroxide, and a magic eraser.
“That is NOT a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser,” says Kristen.
“It gets everything else off…” says Jen, shrugging.
The pair winds up Googling whether or not you can use Magic Eraser on your face. When the results explain that it acts as a fine sandpaper, Kristen pauses for reflection, answering Jen’s critical question: “Is it worse to have the cheetah or to have no top lip? To be top lipless”
Ultimately, the suggestion from a commenter to apply lotion to a Magic Eraser and go for it wins. When the corner starts to disappear, Kristen’s excitement overtakes her and she starts rubbing her lip aggressively… until it starts to hurt.“I’m gonna stop. Because you gotta know when to stop…”
Maybe it’s the chemicals, maybe it’s an attempt to release the panic… maybe it’s just that Kristen is full of joy. But it is at this moment that Kristen and hype-woman Jen launch into Ice Ice Baby, pretending that the cheetah lip doesn’t look like a poorly place fake mustache and ENJOYING THE DANG MOMENT.
Because really, what else are you gonna do?
Godspeed, Kristen Hampton. We hope that you don’t lose your lip to a fake tattoo.
Watch all of the shenanigans here: